A Thousand Miles From Home
by Hobbit985
Summary: Rose never really recovered after she had to leave the Doctor and live in the alternate world. There's nothing left for her and they do say death is but the next great adventure. Sad, angsty, song fic, DEATH IMPLIED.


Makin' my way downtown,  
Walkin' fast,  
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,  
Just makin' my way,  
Makin' a way through the crowd.

Rose wandered home from her new job at Torchwood her mind a thousand miles away. Despite having said goodbye over three months previously she still couldn't stop thinking about the Doctor. All that time they'd had together and she hadn't told him how she felt until it was too late.

Her Mum was now seven months pregnant and Rose was trying to focus on her, helping out round the house, looking through baby things, having a laugh. But inside she was just hollow. The Doctor had promised to never leave her and though they'd both wanted to believe it, they'd both known deep down it would have to end.

A man barged into her walking the opposite direction and apologised profusely, but Rose didn't really mind. She smiled at the kind man as he wandered away and wondered whether he'd seen what she had. She knew it was totally silly because she was probably the only human on Earth who'd really seen the stars. Even Torchwood had bought the stars down to them; they'd never really seen them.

Rose knew how Sarah Jane felt now, and at least Rose and her Mum and Mickey and her newly found Dad. Somehow though it wasn't the same. Her heart ached and every time she heard a train or saw a brown haired man from behind she'd get her hopes up thinking it was the Doctor.

And I need you,  
And I miss you,  
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,  
Do you think time  
would pass me by?   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
If I could just see you...  
Tonight.

Rose lay awake for a long time that night. It wasn't unusual. She'd never slept much on the TARDIS, the Doctor's habit rubbing off on her. The only problem was, with nothing but her own thoughts it was starting to drive her insane.

The only thing she could think of was the Doctor and that was enough to make her depressed. She didn't show it during the day, but only for her Mum's sake. She didn't want to worry her when she was seven months pregnant.

Rose stood up and got out of bed, padding over to the window. She sat on the bay seat pressing her forehead against the cold glass, looking up at the starry sky. It was times like this she wondered what the Doctor was doing, whether he was thinking about her, or off on an adventure, alone, with no one to hold his hand. The one thing she did know was that there were now a broken soul in each universe, which she supposed, was the balance of things.

Rose would give anything to be whole, to be with the Doctor again. She'd walk thousands of miles across space and time if it meant she could see him. She'd even give up her own family as she almost had done before. It wasn't that she didn't love her Mum and Dad and Mickey, but she'd had them for nineteen years. She'd only known the Doctor just over a year before they were wrenched from each other's grasp.

Sometimes she couldn't see the point of living. She'd had her time upon this alternate Earth and her own, she'd seen things other humans could only dream of and she'd had her one true soul mate taken from her. There was nothing left for her to experience. Rose had seen it all; happiness, grief, hope, faith, joy, misery, loneliness, content. To her the only adventure left was death.

It's always times like these  
When I think of you,  
And wonder if you ever think of me.

'Cause everything's so wrong  
And I don't belong.  
Livin' in your precious memory.

'Cause I need you,  
And I miss you,  
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,  
Do you think time  
would pass me by?   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
If I could just see you...  
Tonight.

Rose walked down stairs barefoot as quietly as possible. She headed for the kitchen and took the notepad off the fridge, grabbing a pen. She began to scribble a note, the last note she'd ever write.

Dear Mum, Dad and Mickey 

_I want you to know now that my life was the happiest I could've hoped for and I'm not just talking about travelling with the Doctor. Mum, you helped me through the worst of times, despite the fact that you had to bring me up alone you always managed to keep me happy. I love you so very much and I don't want you to think I've done this because of you. If there were any other way, you know I'd choose it, but some things have to be done. I don't exist here, Mum, and I died back in our world. I'm just evening things out._

_Dad, I love you too. You've had so much to deal with, what with this world Jackie dying and then you having to deal with the grown up daughter you never knew existed. I'm so grateful and proud for everything you did for me, for this world, for the Doctor. I know you'd do anything to make me happy and it must be so hard to see me like this, but I promise you this is the only thing left for me._ _It's not your fault either and I never ever want you to think that. Look after the little Tyler for me, let him or her know all about me and the Doctor._

_Mickey, I know I don't show it very often but I do love you, even if it's a different love to what we once had. You tried your very best to compensate since we came here to this world and I will be eternally grateful for that, but I've been thinking about this for a long time and my mind is made up. I want you to know that I never regret 'us' for one minute, even though I moved on to the Doctor. You will always have a special place in my heart. You're going to have to be Baby Tyler's surrogate sibling, ok? Teach him or her everything you know. Just don't let them live their life so quickly; let them be a kid for as long as possible._

_I love you all and if, by some miracle the Doctor finds a way through to us one day, I want you to tell him this for me. It wasn't his fault either, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world._

_Love_

_Rose_

I, I, don't wanna let you know  
I, I, drown in your memory.  
I, I, don't wanna let this go.  
I, I, don't.

Makin' my way downtown,  
Walkin' fast,  
Faces pass and I'm homebound. 

Starin' blankly ahead,  
Just makin' my way,  
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And I still need you,  
And I still miss you,  
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,  
Do you think time  
Would pass.. us by?  
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
If I could just see you...

Rose attached the note to the fridge again and headed for the backdoor, opening and closing it again as quietly as possible. It was cool outside and there was a slight breeze, which whipped around Rose's nightie, her golden hair making her look like an angel as her ghostly pale form wandered further down the garden towards the swimming pool.

She gazed up at the sky again, looking from star to star, wondering if the Doctor could see the stars where he was or whether he was inside the TARDIS travelling towards one of them.

With her last breath, Rose uttered the four words that had been playing round her mind since the first time she'd met her lonely angel.

"I love you, Doctor," she whispered, falling into the water.

oh oh

If I could fall into the sky,  
Do you think time would pass me by?   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
If I could just see you.

If I could just hold you...  
Tonight.

Charlie Tyler wandered downstairs quietly, padding barefoot towards the backdoor. He opened it carefully and went out to the pool, gazing at the sky, as he knew his older sister had done ten years previously.

He knew all about her and the Doctor, he knew why she'd done what she did. He knew she was happy now, up in the sky where she wanted to be. With her lonely angel.

Rose padded barefoot over the fluffy clouds. It must be a dream surely? She must've dreamt walking downstairs and writing that note. How else could she be looking down from the sky?

She heard a voice and looked up, there was the Doctor, not looking a day older, but somehow she knew it had been centuries since he'd seen her.

"You left them, Rose," he said quietly, but not accusatory. "Why?"

"Because my lonely angel had no one to hold his hand," Rose replied, slipping her hand into his.

Charlie looked up at the stars and wondered whether Rose was looking down on him now. He heard Mickey come up behind him and he turned.

"She really loved you, you know," Mickey said quietly. "Even though you weren't born. She loved you. She loved us all."

"I know," Charlie replied, glancing back at the stars. "That's why she did it. Because the Doctor needed her more."

"Yeah," Mickey sighed. "She always did put him before herself."

"Only because she loved him so much," Charlie said imagining his elder sister with the Doctor, happy at last. "She'd have walked a thousand miles to be with him."


End file.
